I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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