She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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