Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(216): View more from Ohio

i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.

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(352): View more from Florida

this beer tastes like vomit already

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(304): View more from West Virginia

all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over

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(334): View more from Alabama

I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon

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(705): View more from Ontario

Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.

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(815): View more from Illinois

I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...

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(614): View more from Ohio

Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.

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(815): View more from Illinois

"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss

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