She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
