Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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