drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
