If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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