The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
