A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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