How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize