he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
i need some magic done to my vagina
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
