Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You're like the curious george of whores
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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