Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
