I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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