A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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