I need help removing her.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
