I just saw a hot homeless man
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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