watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
