***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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