I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
