ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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