why didn't you poke me back
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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