to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
40s are totally the cure
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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