So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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