Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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