If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
