at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
