Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
