dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
