when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Your shirt... Was in my pants
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
