phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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