Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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