ADVERTISEMENT

• (309): View more from Illinois

  I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.

  Fav 8 819 1531

  share tweet
  

• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.

  Fav 121 2098 1787

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (323): View more from California

  Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!

  (206): View more from Washington

  Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...

  Fav 38 1211 2628

  share tweet
  

• (954): View more from Florida

  I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.

  Fav 17 3985 992

  share tweet
  

• (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am

  Fav 14 1906 3060

  share tweet
  

• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.

  Fav 3 2530 1180

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (254): View more from Texas

  There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.

  (512): View more from Texas

  That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.

  Fav 9 3222 1507

  share tweet
  

• (916): View more from California

  The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.

  Fav 3 1890 643

  share tweet
  

• (647): View more from Ontario

  I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.

  Fav 2 1186 536

  share tweet
  

• (585): View more from New York

  He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir

  (716): View more from New York

  That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people

  Fav 0 766 561

  share tweet
  

• (620): View more from Kansas

  Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?

  Fav 5 484 957

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (989): View more from Michigan

  This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.

  Fav 0 288 436

  share tweet
  

• (720): View more from Colorado

  You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old

  Fav 0 34 12

  share tweet
  

• (651): View more from Minnesota

  She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.

  Fav 0 33 40

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (828): View more from North Carolina

  G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME

  Fav 0 36 11

  share tweet
  

Randomize