Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
