is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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