i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
