If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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