I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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