My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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