So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
