I wanna passion pit in your ass
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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