I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
