Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
