he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
How's work?
Spinning.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize