Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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