Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
