How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
