I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We had to coat check the pizza.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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