Dude my mom stole all your condoms
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
