i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
you had me at cake vodka
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He better not be in your backpack
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
