i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
