At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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