I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
