Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I need moral support for this bender
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
