I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
