At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize