is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Randomize
