I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
