that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize