Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
