i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
