Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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