Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
oh god the rape fog is back!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
