You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
