This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
