just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
