i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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