so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
