1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Sober January is a disaster.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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