wanna go halves on a baby?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize