dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
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