Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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