My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
