Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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