I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
