He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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