sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
There was a lot of him and a little penis
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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