That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize