The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
