I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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