Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize