Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
