Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
