I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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