You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize