3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Your dad touched me again.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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