i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
