You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
