2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
