She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
