i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
