i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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