my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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