My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
