I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize