My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
