i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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