Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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