i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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