the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize