My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
