I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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