I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
