I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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