The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
