Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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