1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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