I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
