if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize