so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
