bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Do vagina's smell?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
