she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize