she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
you never un-have a 4some
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
